It's a sad day when you have to borrow your sons Fred Perry to go to a concert, and your father-in-laws cardie so you blend in! ha-ho. Well I tarted up and set off on the unpredictable 51 bus - it could take 30 minutes or it could take over an hour to get from sunny Plumstead to monsoon St. Marys cray station.
And the heavens opened just as I got off the bus outside PC World Sevenoaks Way. There's no way I was going to walk in that! I was soaked just walking 2 meters from the bus door to the shelter. Things couldn't get worse so I waited and waited and then gave up waiting and legged it! Got to the station and was quite dry compared with Chris! Who cares - its the Specials!! 8 of us in all - and all bar-one had short cropped hair - or balding!!
From there cider, lager in bags ready for the off. all normal so far - lets see what effect booze has!! Onto the train and a rather empty carriage - chit-chat but then it became apparent that small talk was not on the agenda - Neil was with us!! I cant begin to describe Neils volume - it was how you would try and talk to someone who was standing a meter away from you in a night club!! Volume setting was set to "full on"!! Quite bizarre - A son he called Zippy, anecdotes about locking his wife in the boot of the car, showing his mates topless photos of her when she was pregnant, telling his outlaws to go-forth coz they supported united! He got up to use the toilet and the Irish lady behind us describe him as a "picture of domestic bliss!".
And then the question "are Tottenham playing at home?" emmmm!! do we have time to do a detour? Fortunately they weren't as we may have missed the gig. off at Victoria to the Weatherspoons - do I drink or don't I? So I splashed out on two bags of tissues anticipating my nose exploding as it normally does after the sniff of alcohol. A cheap round at £28!! And more stories from Neil "I've got no sympathy for fat people!", "when my boy is old enough for the BB I'm going to go back as a helper" (ex Bromley "pacemakers" Boys Brigade trumpet player), more anecdotes about mates that had done time for holding up off-licenses and post offices with a banana!!
More beer, more beer - is that the time? And we're off again - don't bother checking the tube map, lets just get on the first train that is roughly going in any direction - or follow anyone that looks like they like de specials!! More stories from Neil as he entertains the whole packed train weather they like it or not! not sure to laugh or cry or both - I did both!! "WE ARE THE MODS, WE ARE THE MODS" - speak for yourself - I'm a psychobilly ;) and Pauls a rocka!
"Now here's a couple that looks like they're going where we're goin' - we'll follow them!" - sounds like a plan. Yes Wood Green - and a pub. Off for a few more jars, Daren for a Kebab and then the excitement of a packed "The Specials" (needs!) bus to the palace. Still feel quite sober - and my nose is behaving!! Ally Pally and straight to the bar - more booze and into the arena. Not sure about the support act so back out again to the bar!! 5 minutes later and back in - this time to the bar at the back of the arena. Not my idea of a good place to watch your favourite group after spending so much on a ticket so I'm off to the front! A long fight to the front but my timing was perfect.
100 meters of crowd to get through so I set off as they started to play their intro video - "BOOOO BOOOOO HOOOORAY BOOOOOO BOOOOO" to loads of political photos - prime ministers, Dunblane, riots, bomb blasts - all controversial with a photo of Steven Lawrence which for me was out of place. Well whilst the crowd was focused on BOOOOOZE and HOOOORAYS I shot through right to the middle of the front of the crowd with that crowd protection bar the only thing between me and the stage. Not a soul in front of me except "de boucers"!!
RUDE BOY RUDE BOY RUDE BOY!!!
and if you want to get an idea of what it was like go to YouTube and type in "the specials Alexandra palace" nite klub, Stupid marriage, rudy, enjoy yourself ..... you'll either like it or you'll hate it!! How loud? and on that note I'm glad "we're havin' all the fun" was a Fun Boy Three number as the mention of "I like manchester united" may have tipped the Chelsea boys over the edge and we would have had a riot on our hands!!
God moves in mysterious ways and has a bizarre sense of humour - there I was with a lady on either side of me, being crushed by 12000 fans, full of beer, jumping up 'n' down like I was 20 years younger - bliss!! I had to cross my arms across my chest to stop the pain of the crowd pushing my chest against the metal barrier. I'd been standing like that for some time - jumping up 'n' down, singing along exchanging small talk occasionally with the girl on my left when I noticed that my hand was on someone Else's hand! Who knows how long for - 1 minute? half an hour? Well she didn't look dead from the neck up!! My brain was disfunctioning and I wasn't sure if it would be wise to pull my hand away quick! I glanced behind to see if she had a fella and there was a guy pinned quite close against her back so I put two and two together and got zero!! A few songs later my esophagus started sending signal to my brain and at this point I noticed she was holding her phone camera with both hands!!!!!!!! Whose hand was that's?!! I changed position and to my horror the mystery hand left the barrier and rose - and in the light I observed a hairy arm!! "oh woops-a-daisy, this is area seven" as the song goes!! So I decided it was time to make an exit and beckoned "de bouncers" to pull me out and hast my way to the gents - enough said!! Judging by the bruises I've now got up my arms and across my chest I think it was a wise move. Still breathing at least!! Well I think I got my moneys worth - legendary!!
Watched the rest of the gig from the back and decided to dance till I dropped - and drop I nearly did!! My legs we're both dead - lack of blood circulating or just full of BEER!! But I survived and there was no riot as expected during "do the dog". Old age creeping in! Weirdly all their lyrics were still relevant except the intro to "do the dog" which may have sounded a bit strange if it was updated. "mods, rockers, hippies and skin 'eads" no!! "nemos, goths, yardies and people that like the X factor" doesn't really go!!
We'll - job done! A gallon of sweat down the boys Fred! A stretched cardie, wet trousers, shoes full of rain from St. Marys! who cares what the time is or how we're getting home - the night is young and we've just witnessed a legendary act! But back to reality - where is the free bus back to Wood Green. Neils going off on one "OI BALDY - LET US ON THE F-ING BUS!" (a tad ironic!) well we got on in the end and sang our way back to Wood Green - one chorus of "enjoy yourself"!!!
The evening mellowed out as us ole-timers started to show our age - but not before Neil told a couple of Turkish football supports to go forth back to their own country - but in not so many words. We were descending on the escalators and these two singing Turks returning from who knows where, very kindly singing some strange song we didn't understand as they went up the opposite escalators. Neil didn't take to kindly to a scarf that didn't read "CHELSEA" so on that note "F- OFF YOU FOREIGN ..............." - I thought he would run after them but I think the train beckoned and he saw sense! More songs back to Victoria with a burst of "OH WE ALL HATE LEEDS" from Chris and a rush of various other famous weird Chelsea anthems!! And the occasional spurt of "making your mind up" by bucks fizz!! I simply don't get it!
Things just aren't quite what they seem!!!!
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